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The initial idea was to keep this blog light. After all, there were months at a time over the past three years where most of my posts were complaints. So now I’d prefer to try to stay positive.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t get stressed.
Because I do.
It always seems that when one nasty bramble of problems is finally mowed down and tossed into the composter another bunch eagerly shoot up from the soil.

Or maybe that’s a situation I create for myself. Maybe I don’t feel challenged enough by life when it’s good, so I create or find reasons to feel stress.

Take my weight, for example. I was really on the right track until we went to the U.S. where I gained almost 10 pounds back. we returned to Belgium and my parents visited and the 10 pounds stayed. after they left I tried counting calories again but slacked off and continued over eating. This morning the scale read 96.1 – a 6 kilo (13 pound) gain from the end of May.

So what is the matter with me??
I spent 4 months losing 30 pounds only to gain half back in less than 2? And the worst part is, knowing this isn’t helping me control my eating habits. It’s making me want to give up and slide back into all the crappy binging on junk food I did for so long. It makes me want to start smoking again to help control my appetite. It makes me want to curl up in a little ball of disappointment and disappear.

I’m really trying to get a grip on things before I’m all the way back at square one, but it’s difficult and there are some other factors playing into my frustration as well. But I’m going to keep trying my best. I really want to be comfortable with myself in a bathing suit by the time we go to Tenerife in October for our belated honeymoon, so I guess I’m going to have to find some way to deal with my stress besides eating.

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