The following are actual questions I get (quite frequently actually) at work. Keep an eye out for question 6 cause that one is just beyond my comprehension.
1. Do you have beer? No, we do not have beer. We are a coffee kiosk, not a pub. There is no beer anywhere on display, nor is it on that giant menu on the front of the kiosk, therefore it safe to assume that we do not sell beer.
2. Is that liquor? No, that is flavored syrup used to flavor the milkshakes and steamers. Again, we do not sell alcohol. If there is no names of liquor on that giant menu on the front of the kiosk it is, once again, safe to assume that we are not selling liquor.
3. How do I drink this? Through the hole in the lid, dammit, why is that such a hard concept for you people!
4. May I have a latte with extra milk? Um… a latte is a double shot of espresso and the rest of cup is filled to the brim with milk. I guess you can have extra milk if you want me to put it in an extra cup.
5. May I have a cappuccino without milk? Yes. But in that case it’s called an espresso. That foamy white stuff on it that makes it a cappuccino? That would be milk.
6. Do you have coffee in cups? … typically yes, the coffee comes in cups. I suppose I could pour it into your hands, but that would be messy. And it would probably hurt.
Really, sometimes I am completely and totally overwhelmed by the stupid. Half of our clients probably couldn’t place an order at Starbucks without having an aneurysm.
And you know what? While I’m at it…
NO I will not change your 20, we are not a bank,
NO we do not sell cigarettes or phone cards,
NO I do not have a map and do not have time to tell you where the tourist attractions are.
Oh and by the way, when both of the windows and doors are closed and locked and the lights are off it means we are closed. NO you may not have a coffee!
And lastly, for the love of all that is good and decent in this world don’t you dare ask me for a steamer with “a whole lot of chocolate powder.” That is what we call a hot chocolate and I will be charging you the extra .10 cents for it because that’s what a hot chocolate costs you cheapskate!