written October 25th, 2010
I’m writing this now, 3 days after I found out I was pregnant, because I have to put my thoughts and feelings down somewhere, and this has always been the somewhere I felt best doing that sort of thing.
The problem is that none of you know yet that I’m almost 5 weeks pregnant and we’ve decided not to tell you until I’m 3 months along, so it’ll be quite some time before I can blog about what’s going on both in my head and my body.
So I’ve decided to make a semi-private journal of sorts, where I’ll type what I have to say, label it as a baby backlog and then publish it later, once you’ve all been informed of the news.
I’ve been pretty lucky so far in that I have only mild, occasional nausea as far as morning sickness goes. I am getting headaches, some back aches and off and on cramping, but Piet and I are an overly educated couple in the 21st century and have Googled my symptoms to death and seen that all of that is quite normal at this stage of the game.
The first test I took on Friday evening (Pete later made me go pee around 1 in the morning on the digital test to be absolutely sure) is sitting in the box, waiting for me to write the date on it and take a picture for posterity and for the post where I announce to you all that we’re baking up our very first Calliopiet. I already have my folic acid and vitamins and I have an appointment scheduled in 2 days for the initial blood tests at our general physician office.
We’re so happy, but I find I’m alternating between wanting to grin and dance and tell the world what’s going on and being horrified the second I don’t feel any cramps, or feel too many cramps or have horrible back pain or not enough back pain. We talk about getting on a waiting list for daycare (yes, we really have to get on one now) and I’m so scared that things won’t work out and that we’ll end up having to call the daycare and explain why they need to take us off the list. I look at all my friends whose first pregnancies (and second and third) were successful and it relaxes me…until I remember all those mommy blogs I’ve read and the heart breaking stories of miscarriages and seeing your still developing baby floating in the toilet.
Piet is encouraging me to focus the best I can on the happy feelings since stress isn’t good for a pregnancy either, and I’m trying. But it’s just so early, and there’s still a few weeks of waiting before we’ll even be able to really see our little Calliopiet on an ultrasound. I just want to see it and see a heartbeat and know that things are developing well and that my body is behaving like it should and playing a good host to its little visitor.
It’s not a lot to ask, and yet, it’s everything, isn’t it.