The past several days I’ve been getting these magnificent revelations and epiphanies over a gamut of topics. Mostly self absorbed, self actualizing topics, granted, but still, it’d make for excellent writing fodder.
And every single time one of the profound little lightening storms hits my head, I’ve been without one of my trusty notebooks, or even an old receipt or napkin, which I’ve also been known to jot some thoughts down upon.
I try to preserve the idea, to bring it back home and let it fly out of my fingertips and onto my little editing screen here, but the past week in particular that hasn’t happened.
See, I was scheduled six days in a row, all closing shifts, so my musings typically occur in the day time while I’m out running errands or grabbing a bite before work. I haven’t had a scrap of paper to preserve them on and then after 8 hours of mind numbing repetition and (for me and my increasingly heavy abdomen) back breaking standing, coffee making, cash registering I trudge home from the tram and try to spend at least one hour conscious with my husband before I fall asleep.
Beautiful, beautiful sleep which I can’t seem to get enough of, in our warm bed, which I never seem to want to get out of, dressed in fuzzy pants and a huge t-shirt which I never want to change.
All a sharp contrast to the person who used to be awake and restless and ready to start the day at 7 o’clock every morning, even if nothing in Belgium is open at that hour except a few low budget convenience stores and the ER at the hospital.
I don’t know.
I’m really not happy with how my schedule has been the past week or so, nor with how it’s planned out for next week. My boss is having a tough time of it, and I know that, but at some point I have to draw the line between sympathy and chronic exhaustion, now that I have an extra passenger on board who needs me to have energy and be healthy too.
It bothers me that I’m having some really productive thoughts…thoughts that I could eventually write books based around and they keep slipping away due to a lack of time, energy and available paper. I mean, the paper thing can be easily remedied, but the rest, not so much.
I don’t want to keep losing the original things going on in my head to the incessant drone of “milk or sugar in your coffee?”