A good pity party.
I haven’t had one in a little while so I think I’m about due, don’t you?
(“no” is not an acceptable answer)
I was obsessively checking Facebook every ten minutes or so, like I tend to do when I’m avoiding folding or putting away the laundry, when lo, I did spy a family friend of mine who’d commented on my mom’s wall, asking if she was going to have a baby shower for me or if it was too difficult to send things here.
With shipping/taxes/packaging/etc., it is very definitely too difficult to send anything much larger than a paperback, a bag of Oreos and some new Hanes bikini cuts every couple months and even that gets pricey for my parents, so I rarely ask anymore.
I didn’t have a bridal shower.
I won’t have a baby shower.
We’re doing things the Belgian way (cause that’s where we live, duh) and inviting friends and family to come visit the hospital once the baby is born. Belgians often give doopsuiker to the people visiting the baby. Doopsuiker translates to baptism candy and it’s typically some chocolate in colored candy shells in some kind of little box or jar with the baby’s name on it.
I’m fine doing that (the candy, not a baptism).
I’ll miss a baby shower.
Like I missed a wedding shower.
Like I miss graduate school.
Like I miss my job at my old daycare.
Like I miss having dinner with my parents every couple weeks.
Like I miss Halloween and Thanksgiving and Hanukkah and Passover and St. Patrick’s Day and the Fourth of July.
Not that we aren’t considering doing something at some point for the baby in the States, but still. There are some things, culturally, that I’ve always wanted and had always thought I’d have, just like my cousins and friends. And I’m not getting to have them.
And yes, you don’t have to tell me, there are plenty of people who only dream of living in Europe or learning another language and they never get the opportunity. I know that. The grass is always greener, right?
And I look forward to the things we’re doing here. I’m excited to make our baby wish list for people to help out if they want, and to choose birth announcements and the doopsuiker and all of that. I’m really psyched for my parents’ visit in June and for my mom to be staying all July. I really don’t think too much about the things that aren’t happening and I focus on all the good things that are happening.
But sometimes something small reminds me.
Today I’m not doing very well at shaking it off.