Not Having Kids Yet Doesn’t Make Me Stupid


This is a quiet little blog. Most of my hits/readers probably come from my friends on Facebook or some of the people who have been reading what I write for the past several years or so.
I don’t network or try to get people to come read my drivel. If you happen upon it and stay, awesome.
If not, ah well, no skin off my nose.

I pretty much never pick fights or take issue with any other blog/blogger cause I rarely see a point.
So this will be a first for me.

I’ve been reading this blog for a while now, possibly since it started, mostly because I loved Heather who used to blog as Queen of Shake-Shake, but who has, I believe stopped blogging for the forseeable future. Which makes me sad, but in the meantime I also began reading Marinka’s blog, Motherhood in NYC and enjoy it immensely.
Anyway, all that aside, I’m a wife and currently at home and so I believe I fit the niche that The Mouthy Housewives is for, plus I do actually find some of the questions interesting and sometimes the answers from readers informative.

What I really don’t appreciate is when there is a question having to do with kids and I choose to give my opinion, that I am automatically, condescendingly criticized for not knowing what I’m talking about cause I don’t have kids.
I mean, why is the assumption that not having kids is the same as not having extensive experience with kids?
Do I have to give my credentials to be considered a valid member of this particular community?
Go read the comments here on this post by a woman who says she feels trapped because she has to spend the summer with her 6 and 8 year old kids.
I made the mistake of saying I didn’t have kids yet and also made the mistake of not listing my qualifications as having worked in childcare for several years and look at the rude responses my comment got. I could practically picture these women rolling their eyes and it really pissed me off.
Because I have spent summers (not only summers, but the whole year) coming up with activities and things to  keep children busy and entertained: kids who aren’t 6 and 8 and able to read or write or swim or do their own arts and crafts and projects or turn on a video or even wipe their own butts by themselves. I probably have more experience dealing with kids than half of the mothers who answer so flippantly before they had kids of their own.
And for those who respond “you don’t know what it’s like until you’ve taken care of kids 24/7/365?”
Well neither do you.
If you use any sort of daycare, the daycare worker most likely spends more time with your child than you do.
I’ve had plenty of parents ask me for advice on how to handle their kids.
And once your kids are old enough to go to school, guess what, you still don’t handle them 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, every day all year.

So women who automatically laugh off or look down your noses at women who don’t have kids yet, but have opinions on other people’s attitudes regarding children, get the fuck over yourselves.

You’re not always in the right just because you’ve pushed one out before I did.


6 responses »

  1. Yep… that sounds about right. 🙂 I’m sorry you were treated that way. Some of the best parenting advice I’ve received came from my son’s teacher, who doesn’t have children herself. I needed day care for the first six years I was a parent, until my husband and I could adjust our schedules so we didn’t have to. That was the best day of my life, knowing that we were finally responsible for our own children. Yes, you need a break sometimes, but my god… if you can’t find ways to entertain your own children over the summer? Why on earth did they have them?

  2. I am over the top angry at this woman. why does she even have kids???? She has an attitude that is ugg why do I have to deal with my own kids?? I have birthed 4!! And 4 foster kids so I have the experience and am half time raising my grandson now. I also ran a home daycare for 8 years and I home schooled. So I have the parenting credential. This woman needs a reality check. She is using school as a daycare. This is so wrong and I feel so sorry for these kids. I enjoy every minute my kids are home. I miss them terribly when they are in school. We have a few fights between them don’t get me wrong. My youngest is now 13. The next one is 15. The two girls fight but not often. We have always loved summer break. We are so busy it flies by. We bake cookies, brownies, and anything else they want. I taught them to sew years ago and this summer we are making quilts. The 13 yo wants to learn to knit. I talked to several people and found her some books and websites. There are so many things to do at home. We play sidewalk chalk out front and my kids still enjoy it immensely. I find it ridiculous that she is complaining that she can’t afford a camp. Mine never went to any. They don’t miss it. My house is the one where all the kids congregate and many spend the night often.I could never imagine dreading my kids being home. It is a blessing and time to be cherished. I fear for her kids in a few years .there will be no open communication and these poor kids will have no one to talk to. Mommy can’t be bothered.
    You have the experience for all the time you worked in the daycare. The parents had you watch their children in your off hours. They loved you and respect you. I suggest staying away from this board. It seems to be a bunch of bored housewives who had kids because it was expected. They are horrible lazy parents. The clean house is more important than parenting and loving on their child. Shopping is an incredible time to share with a child. IT is how to educate them. You can do math on which size is the best buy. You can have them help what goes in their snack drawer. The kids can help pick out meals and why not have them each make one once a week?? I have always taken all my kids shopping with me. Nothing wrong with soup and grilled cheese made by a 6 year old.
    Sorry for the novel. This makes me mad that these women have the nerve to judge you when they are so lacking themselves.

  3. Well stated…you have compelled me to go look and make a comment MYSELF… you are more qualified to know than most of the halfwits who do become n=mothers and do it rather poorly….

  4. Well of course you are totally dumb, right, you should have realised that by now ;-). Fortunately as of next week you are getting smarter than I am . Lucky you. Then I can make some really dumb unqualified remarks on your blog. Wheeeeee

  5. I haven’t looked at the blog yet, but as you know, I was a nanny for about 10 years before starting my own family, and it made me a better parent in so many ways, plus, I often did have other peoples kids 24/7. So much so, that parents some times looked at me and aksed, “How do you do it.” So, I haven’t looked yet, but I am very offended for you already.

  6. I did comment over there. I guess these women are competing a little. Even the advise giver had a story about “who has the hardest job as a mom.” and somehow, caregivers don’t count as worthy moms. Which is bull. And I had to do my crowing, which I will likely regret, just stopping short of my all-natural delivery of a 10 1/2 pound baby and coming home with him to care for my 15 month old son and my three year old, mostly on my own while my husband worked at two jobs to support us. OOps that just spilled out there.

    I interviewed for a nanny agency the other day, and the lady reminded me in no uncertain terms that I am being paid to watch and be with the children. No computer, No phone, no t.v, no books, magazines, no nothing when I am with the children except that I am their toy and at their complete and utter disposal, and I may only leave them alone to quickly use the bathroom. If I am caught on a Nanny Cam even “neglecting” the children as little as a minute, I will be fired from that agency. Basically black-balled as a nanny.

    As a parent, I can tell you, that is a MUCH harder job.

    Good thing I’ll be paid well for it.

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