This is me right now.

The days I get to sleep past 6 am are few and faaaaar between and it feels like no amount of unbroken sleep can make up for it. Even when I have the opportunity to sleep in a bit, my self destructive brain wakes up at 4 am because it simply expects to have something wake it up.
This means I lose consciousness somewhere around 10 pm. I mean, literally I can be sitting there, having a conversation with my husband, but not actually be awake for most of it.

It’s making certain marital activities virtually impossible.

And oddly enough, exhaustion makes me want to eat more. I don’t know if my body thinks that more calories will give it more energy or if I’m just kind of seeking some sort of comfort through food since I can’t seem to get it through sleep. It’s making my current attempt at weight loss more difficult, I know that much.

I’m also cranky and emotional (when I’m not glassy-eyed and indifferent) and generally impatient with life. Part of this has to do with how exhausted I am and how sapped I feel, but another part of it has to do with the winter and the fact that it’s always so grey and chilly and dreary outside. And a large part of it has to do with my job. Two years ago when I took the job, the early mornings/late evenings/working weekends thing was no problem but now? Now I’m pretty sure it’s like 40% of my exhaustion problem. It’s just not a compatible schedule to have with a spouse who works and a 6 month old baby.

In summary, I feel like that pathetic, dull grey, useless nub of eraser on the back of an old school number two pencil; completely worn away to the point where even the tiniest amount of pressure has my edges scraping painfully over whatever I’m being jammed up against.

I don’t even feel the urge to cry anymore. I just go from distracted and forgetful to rabidly irate in milliseconds.

I’m sort of hoping there’s a solution to one of the factors in this equation and I’m going to try to do something about it next week. I just hope it works. Otherwise I might just have to chew off somebody’s face.


3 responses »

  1. Yep…parenthood…sleep deprivation at its finest….try to hydrate…it is definitely harder to lose weight when you don’t get enough sleep….eat protein in the morning to make sure you have energy to get you through the morning….hydrate…..

  2. Yep. My little guy is still waking every 3.5 hours throughout the night. And as I am still breastfeeding, I am the one who gets up. Even if he manages to sleep longer, my sleep schedule and my breasts wake me up anyway. Good thing he’s a cutie, plus my husband has him for most of the day, so I can go to bed early and take some good daytime naps on the weekends.

    You’ve been in the job for two years? Maybe now that you have proven work experience working in Dutch, you might be a great candidate for a new job that starts a little later in the day?

    Yes, people who sleep less eat more. Be kind to yourself. This is a tough time.

  3. oh help, can’t see those pictures

    There’s no shame to go to bed before 10PM when you are sleep deprived. First try to sleep whenever you can to catch up….worry about all the rest later.

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