Things at work have not been stellar lately.
I mean, it could still be worse (although by Belgian standards, I don’t think much worse). We finally got a heater, right when the weather decided to go back above freezing, so it’s sort of useless, but hey, who needs a heater in actual below freezing temperatures?
The scheduling hasn’t been super fun either, seeing as how today I worked the 7th of my 9 day in a row schedule. All of which have been morning shifts, mind you, so I haven’t slept past 5 am in a week. You think your sleep deprivation will end once your baby starts sleeping through the night, but not when you have my job.
Aside from that there are numerous other tensions and seeds of discontent flowering all over the place at work and while they aren’t worth discussing, it makes for an overall negative atmosphere. It’s hard to stay motivated when you continue to hear rumors of your company closing their Belgium kiosks or of a huge Seattle based coffee company planning on moving in next door by the end of the summer.
It’s hard to juggle a job that has you working either super early or fairly late with a husband, a baby, two cats and a house (not to mention dishes, cooking, laundry).
If I were in these shoes two years ago, a job like I have now would’ve never even been a consideration. But now? Well, now it beats unemployment in a country where the crisis is finally starting to hit a bit harder.
But I hate waking up before dawn, creeping around my cold house to get dressed, shove breakfast in my mouth and be out the door in time to bike/catch the tram to work. I hate that my son rarely wakes up to me and that I only see him for maybe 2 hours in the evening before he falls asleep.
I hate that for those two hours I’m usually exhausted from being up so early and that my back is often too sore from work to hold him for very long, especially now that he’s asking to be held with his little hands up and his eyes pleading.
I hate wanting to spend some time with my husband, to try to keep some spark in our marriage, and falling asleep before 10 pm because I just can’t keep my eyes open any more.
Having Tay totally changed my life in a way that is less and less compatible with my job. Right now I’m trying to just go day by day and make the best of my situation, although what I’m really looking forward to is our first “family” vacation at the end of May when we’ll be going to Southern Spain for 2 weeks.
I can think of nothing I’d rather do than relax and enjoy some sunshine with my two favorite men in the world.
p.s. – Daddy, if you’re reading this, you’re my other favorite man in the world. 🙂