Since the second or third month of my pregnancy I’ve been having very vivid dreams, almost without fail practically every night. I read that vivid dreams are normal for pregnant women, but I really didn’t think I’d have them so frequently.
Nor did I think they’d all be bad.
But unfortunately, while some moms-to-be dream of their baby, I seem to only dream about horrible things like Piet having an affair or me being stalked by a killer.
You know, fun things.
And the worst part of it is that sometimes these dreams are so realistic that I wake up actually confused about where I am and what is real or not.
One of the Piet dreams, for example, was one where Piet himself confessed to having an affair because he couldn’t stand lying to me anymore. He was crying and telling me how sorry he was and how he still wanted to be with me and could we somehow figure out a way to stay together.
Now, not that Piet has ever cheated on me, but in the dream the responses he gave and the things he said were so accurate that I woke up really not knowing if it had happened or not. Then I started sobbing, which scared the crap out of my poor husband who was jarred from his own sleep by me, weeping and begging him not to cheat on me anymore.
Or the one I had last night where I was attacked, raped and then buried alive in a shallow pit under a tree. I dug myself out only to find myself being threatened by this large, nerdy looking woman who looked harmless, but somehow I knew she would really kill me this time. I somehow figured out a way to get rid of her by cutting a picture of her or something in to pieces and throwing it away, but then, while I was cleaning up (I don’t know why I was so anxious to clean in the dream cause that’s definitely not accurate to real life), I started feeling nervous that the woman would somehow get me. And when I went to go check the garbage can, her arms were sticking out the sides as she tried to get out to kill me.
I started screaming, “What are you??”
And that’s when Piet shook me because I was apparently screaming out loud and had once again woken him up as well.
After a few minutes of soothing from Piet I fell asleep and promptly dreamt of having to sing Orff’s Carmina Burana for a synogogue youth group. Only I got lost on my way to the synogogue and ended up having to run and be all out of breath and afterwards I had to pay the youth group organizer money for the tram ride home, but he didn’t have change so I ended up with almost no money and unable to find the right tram to get home.
And people, this shit is almost every night.
I’m exhausted and sometimes even afraid to go back to sleep because I have no clue what deranged scenario my subconscious will come up with next. I just know that chances are high that I’ll wake up horrified or depressed, disoriented and unsettled. I’d hoped after Piet and I started sleeping in the new room, sans television, that the dreams would let up or at least be a bit less gruesome or worrisome in content but so far, no good.
I’m really not sure what to do at this point. All I know is the night time is becoming very unsettling for me and I’m getting way to tired during the day.
A Patchwork of Daydreams 